Brain Dump: I’ve made my choice

Originally published on January 10, 2019

Can I just brain dump for a minute?

Wow! Here we are into 2019. Well first off, Happy New Year. Just like any other year, many can't wait for the start of a new year. It's that time where everyone is eager to move on to the next.

I'm not even sure that I can fully put into words all the emotions and thoughts that have gone through my heart and mind throughout 2018. It was the hardest year of my life. I'm just thankful that God kept me all the way into 2019.

If I am 100% honest with myself, after my dad's transition, I waddled in pain and numbness, and spoke little about it. As people would ask me how I am doing, I would often tell them "I am doing okay. My dad is chilling with Jesus now." In reality, I pondered on the last few words my dad would tell me, & the world of firsts that I have to endure. I pondered on the mannnny questions that I want to ask my dad and God. Looking back now, I know my dad knew that his time was coming. I told my brother one night that I couldn't wait for 2019 because I had been depressed for most of the year. I was ready for a change!

Within the first week of the year, God laid it on my heart to choose joy this year! The holiday season was bittersweet, yet I couldn't wait to just get through it. At times throughout December, I would find myself in the bathroom stall at work just crying and praying ...crying and praying. I'd sat and served family after family after family.

To this day, I am beyond thankful for my friends and family who would (and still do) check up on my family. Some even challenged me to step forward and helped me to make such progress towards living again. For 2019, I have multiple goals, but all of them point back to me intentionally choosing joy with every. single. step.

Psalm 28:7 reminds me that "the joy of the Lord is my strength." I can't wait to walk through the rest of this year stronger than before. Last year, grief spiraled into depression. This year, I will choose joy day by day. I encourage you to do the same.

#grief #newyear #joy #victoriane #Victoriaeaton #Christianblogger